Our Decision

We have decided that we are not going to proceed with adoption through the Foster to Adopt program. This decision was not made lightly and one that did not come easily. We sat through many hours of classes listening to them talk about how these children were sexually molested, physically abused, mentally abused, neglected and many many other abuses. Then went on to tell us how these children would not adapt well within a home, and our goal is to re-unite the Parents and Child first and for most.

So basically if we were to adopt within Virginia we would need to sit through 42 more hours of this. Then wait for a phone call for a child, then work toward repairing and reuniting that family together for over a year. Then after that failed they would look at others and adoption as an option which could be another year. So we would sit in uncertainty for over a year to two years, not knowing if the child was ours or not. We have no rights what so ever not even allowed to cut the child's hair because they are not ours.

This just seems like something of a form of torture to our family and children. Yes, we want to adopt but not like this. We don't want to put our boys in harms way and hurt them in the process. So we are not going to go through with the adoption program at the county or state level. I can now understand why so many children are just left sitting in foster care after sitting through those classes. It was AWFUL and I have seen A LOT in my life. Nothing compared to that.

So now we wait and pray for a situation that seems right. We are back to looking at private adoption or international adoption. Yes, this is outrageously expensive but still feel this is more along the lines of where God wants us to adopt from. This obviously can't happen until Travis gets a job. So Please pray that he gets a job soon.

Thanks for praying and we will keep you posted
TnT

Classes

I don't think there is any words for sitting in a class for 11 hours hearing about children and their loved ones abusing them and destroying their tiny world. It is so heart breaking.

We have three more classes to attend, our homestudy, and tons of paperwork before we can are completed and ready.

After the first class, I felt so overwhelmed and concerned about if we could do this. The worry that we would hurt the boys again was huge. Yet, after a lot of prayer and research as well, I feel more comfortable today. Even though the second meeting was even worse than the first.

We are now waiting on a phone call for our Social Worker for our second home visit. We will let you know when and how that goes.

TnT

In just four days!!!

We get to begin our training!! Yeah! It is going by fast. We are all very excited and can't wait to begin this part of the process. The training on Saturdays are 8 am to 4 pm, and there are 3 of them. We also have three Tuesday evenings as well but those are only 3 hours of training.

Will let you know how it went on Saturday,
Take Care
TnT

Didn't Fail, invitation extended

Well, we did not fail that first home visit and the county has officially extended us a formal invitation to attend the training program. Our first training date is February 21st and we will have completed all classes by March 14. They say we will be completely done with the entire paperwork and clearance process by the end of March. But I have to doubt the speed of the local government. They can't possibly move that fast.

So we mail back our acceptance letter and in 15 days attend our first class on parenting. Its a go folks. Wooo Hoooo!!!!

TnT

Our Home Visit

I have to say, I did not think that I would be nervous over this visit but I was. Our Social Worker showed up two hours late, which intensified my anxiety. I had exhausted myself cleaning in my nervous frenzy. It is scarier than meeting your Mother in Law for the first time! All those feelings of what if they don't like me are hugely magnified. :-)

So we sat down and went over the program in detail and what was expected of us. (I will call our Social Worker either SW or Mrs. D) SW was extremely nice and I look forward to working with her. I love that she said she expects us to always answer our phone regardless of where we are at as we are parents and our children come first. That was big to me. Most people always want you to turn your phone off or ignore it, not her.

So after her speech she asked if we had any questions. Of course I did and so I asked about if she was going to inspect the house?

Mrs. D. responds, "No, I don't see the need for that!"

Me "Are you going to tell us what we need to baby proof or fix prior to the placement?"

Mrs. D "No, you have had 3 children I am sure at this point you know what is safe and what is not! It seems a little ridiculous to baby proof prior when we aren't sure when and what age the baby will be"

Me, "Oh from what I was told we would just baby proof and get a safety inspection prior and live like that."

Mrs. D "That is crazy you are experienced parents, no obvious problems I can see in your home it is just not something that is necessary. The only room I will check is the room the baby will sleep in."

Me "Oh, Well what about the married couple in our basement what will we need to do about that!"

Mrs. D "Do they have a separate entrance?"

Me "Yes"

Mrs. D "Well its their own dwelling so we don't need to worry about them."

Me "Well, what about that they babysit for us?"

Mrs. D "Well why don't we go ahead and do a background check on them."
"Any other questions?

So that is about how our home visit went. It was too funny. I don't think she went beyond the Dining Room. We do have two more visits one where she meets the boys and speaks to them. She said this is where she learns the most at this visit. Then the final visit to check the baby room and make sure we are ready.

At this point SW will write a report of our visit from Friday and then write the formal letter inviting us to the training on February 21st.

During this process time we have to do a background check, fingerprinting, an autobiography, and interview each of the boys and do a personality sheet on them as well. We have 8 days of training broken down for 7 weeks. They expect us to be done with training and our home visits by the end of March. What could take longer is the background check and finger printing, as it is from the police department and sent out so they have no control over when they get it back. So they think that by the end of April to mid-May we will be finished and open for placement. We will see if their estimate is correct.

So we are officially paper pregnant and working toward parenthood, again! :-)

TnT

Home Study Interview

Well the county finally got back in touch with us after I emailed and called every number they gave me! :-) So after speaking with the county and with the private agency T and I have decided that we will go with the County program.

The main reason being is that the private agency is a therapeutic agency. This means that they will only receive high level need kids in the areas of medical needs and in behavior. That being said its not that we would not love this child with all our hearts but having lived separately for several years with Keebbie in and out of the Hospital in several different states. We just don't feel we could ask that of the boys to do it again knowingly.

So we have set up our training and our first home visit with the county. The county will come out NEXT Friday!!! This will be an initial interview with us and to just take a look at the house. We then are scheduled to begin training with them on February 21st! I can't believe how quickly things are moving once they decide to move. The training is about 9 weeks and our home study is done during that time. So we will be ready for child placement in about 4 to 6 months. Then the wait begins for the child God plans to bring into our home.

How can you be praying for us during this time....

Prayer for T.... and his job. He has just finished gathering his 15 years of work experience and such and handed it over to a professional resume writer that happens to be a good friend of ours. So he is projected to begin job hunting next week some time.

Pray for GAB that they will be patient during the training and wait as will I :-)
That they will not feel threatened or scared from the many new faces they will meet and be asking them so many questions. Specifically pray for G as he still DOES NOT like to talk about Keebie's hospital time and death. He will have to be interviewed by a social worker this topic will come up and I expect it will be difficult for him.

Pray for the child or children that will be coming into our home that we can demonstrate love and compassion to them. For them not to be fearful and feel very comfortable with us and our family.

Thanks everyone

TnT and GAB too

Our Meeting

Well, we attended the meeting in winchester last night. I never realize how far away anything is since I rarely leave my little circle here in our area. It was far!

The meeting was full of great information. We were sent home with ten million pieces of paperwork to fill out. We have to decide on going with this agency that is private or going directly with the county. We are not sure of which way to go.

The one thing that T and I both left there thinking of how scary it seems at times. One thing that did interest both of us is the thought of taking on a pregnant teen. The sad situations they are facing just broke our hearts. As he was talking, that many of the teens they have in custody that are pregnant are because of being raped by their parents boyfriend. So they have been taken from their mother.

We have many questions to ask and many things to think about as we go forward. If we begin this program then the first training is January 31st. We would be licensed as soon as three months to take a child. So we are filling out papers and praying as to which way to go. Do we go with the state program or go with the private agency?

Any one out there having done this before what is the benefits of going with the private or state?

Thanks everyone,
TnT